Trailerz: The Z makes it cool, Part 1.

Well, it’s been a while since I wrote anything and also a while since I just sat back and watched some trailers so while getting caught up on them, I thought I might as well write about a few of them as well. Let’s join me, won’t you?


Taking Woodstock:




Anything about Woodstock is automatically interesting to me and the fact that Demetri Martin stars just sweetens the pot. I think he’s a genuinely funny guy and hopefully he’ll really bring something to this film. Other stars include Emile Hirsch, aka the dude who played that stupid dude who went of and died in the woods in that awesome movie Into The Wild, and Liev Schreiber, Shakespearean actor and portrayer of Sabretooth. My only major concern with this one is that it could end up a little more Waynestock than it does Woodstock but it does look interesting with it’s unique approach to the behind-the-scenes aspects of the festival. It is expected limited release is August 14th.


Drag Me To Hell:



Yes Sam Raimi’s stepped away from Spider-Man long enough to bring us the story of a bank employee suffering from a gypsy curse. Now as of late I’ve been a little burned out on horror films, I just never seem to get a break from them, but damnit Sam’s gotten me interested again. Even more surprising coz I’m more a slasher kind of guy than a straight up supernatural-horror kinda guy but this trailer has me genuinely excited. It’s kind of, well, impossible to tell for sure really but since this a Sam Raimi film, I’m sure there’ll be a healthy smattering of humour too. Good stuff for sure. It’s set to be released on May 29.


The People Vs. George Lucas:



I remember hearing about this a while ago and not being sure what to think about it. On the one hand, George Lucas gave us the original trilogy. On the other hand he gave us the prequel trilogy and Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of the Alien Plot Contrivance. And of course, there’s the whole Han shot first issue to deal with. Seriously, what would people think if an artist suddenly stormed into an art gallery, after years of letting his work hang completed in a gallery, and began changing it using the excuse “Oh well, we have better paint nowadays, watch me improve this!”
Anyway, I’ll be very interested to see how this film goes and besides, any film with a song about George Lucas raping your childhood has got to be a little bit fun. As far as I know, there’s no definite release date yet.


Infestation:



Well, in my opinion, this is fairly cool looking. Low budget comedy horror with giant bugs that seem to have the power to turn people into giant bug Zombies. Pure mindless fun, probably a good film to have a few beers while watching. I’ve heard some people criticise the special effects but I can’t see that much wrong with them and besides, do you remember how awesome the CGI was in the Evil Dead trilogy? Exactly. Now, this isn’t going to be as good as those films but like I said just a good one to turn your brain off and get drunk to, I reckon. Expect it later this year.

G-Force:



Oh god, did that Guinea Pig just say "Holla!"? The only thing that's great about guinea pigs is that fucked up squeaking nosie they make. You're going to take that away and make them ethnic stereotypes? Seriously, what the fuck is the world coming to...
And why do these movies always have stupid fucking "Hey look, I'm an animal" jokes like that fucking worm joke with the mole. There are intelligent ways to write shit like that. Doesn't have to be largely pun based. Fuckers.
And there's only one fly who hangs with kick-ass rodents and that's Zipper from Chip N' Dale: Rescue Rangers. Mother Fuckers. But hey, I’m well with that dude at the end. This is a horrible crime against nature. This rodent pellet gets squeezed out on July 24th.


Big Man Japan:



God Bless You Japan. May 15th.

Laterz.

Top 10 Films That Make Me Cry

Jamie here. If there’s one thing I’ve come to realise over the years it’s that I’m a fucking pussy when it comes to even the slightest bit of emotion in a film, especially in recent years. I dunno what it is but the slightest sad thing happens and I’m blubbering like a bitch. In that spirit then is this, a list of my top 10 films guaranteed to make me cry. Warning: this list will contain spoilers and where available I’ve tried to show the scenes in question in video form.

10: Toy Story

Perhaps an odd choice but it’s one specific scene in particular. Buzz is determined to fly in order to prove to himself that he can fly and that he is not a toy whilst Randy Newman’s song “I Will Go Sailing No More” plays in the background. The mixture of determination and ultimate realisation combined with that song just tugs at my heart strings.

9: Home Alone

This may be the movie I have seen more times that any other in my entire life. At family Christmas gatherings it always seems to be on at some point plus it’s a particular favourite of certain family members so it’s just as likely to be on at any time of the year. What scene makes me cry? Well, the final one of course, when his mum comes back. If it doesn’t affect you then you’ve got a heart of fucking stone.

8: The Lives Of Others

The scene in which Christa-Maria, believing she had just stabbed her lover Georg in the back in exchange for her own safety decides to take her own life rather than live with guilt of what she has done. The saddest thing? The incriminating evidence had just been removed by the sympathetic agent who had been sent to spy on them.

7: The Lion King
Ah the Lion King. Truly one of the Disney classics and further proof that Disney hates parents. Seriously how many parents have died or are already dead within Disney films? So yes the scene here is, of course, the death of Simba’s father, Mufasa, and the fact that Simba blames himself. Heartbreaking.

6: Brokeback Mountain

Yes, the controversial film about two bisexual cowboys who fall in love. Leave your hang ups at the door and just fucking watch it. It’s an amazing film with a fantastic cast and it’s roles like thos that truly highlight what a great hole Heath Ledger’s death left us with, though his accents a tad dodgy in this. The film that gets the waterworks going? The last scene after Jake has been gay bashed to death when Ennis does up the shirt he retrieves from Jack’s house and is left to reminisce. It’s a simple, quiet and touching moment.



5: Lilo and Stitch

My penultimate animated entry on this list and my personal favourite Disney film. Not sure why exactly. Maybe because it’s quite different from many of the others, maybe it’s the Elvis soundtrack or maybe it’s just the way it touched me. There are several moments in this film that bring me to tears but the biggest one must be the scene that follows when Stitch decides to leave and everyone is feeling thoroughly sad.

4: The Lord Of The Rings: Return Of The King

There’s only one scene really that gets me in this film. It’s the scene where the Men of Gondor ride to almost certain death as Pippin sings a song for the seemingly uncaring steward of Gondor as he feast greedily. Wow.

3. Forrest Gump

Now I’ve made fun of this film quite a few times in my life, mainly due to the phrase “Magic Legs”. It’s just a damn funny thing to say. And while this film is indeed quite funny, it can also be quite touching and never quite so much as when Forrest is saying goodbye to Jenny.

2. Batman Begins

I don’t think I’ve ever seen the murder of Bruce Wayne’s parents portrayed so poignantly. From the lead up, the murders themselves and the aftermath, everything in these scenes is perfect for really getting at the love and respect Bruce had for his parents, particularly his father and just goes to explain his clearly damaged psyche a little more. Most heartbreaking of all is when Bruce breaks into tears whilst blaming himself.

1. E.T: The Extra-Terrestrial

Really? Would anyone ever choose anything else?

Honorary Television List

Whilst making this list, I was reminded of a few things from television that had affected me over the years. Here they are in no particular order… except the best is at the end.

Extras - Big Brother Speech

I dunno what it is exactly about this scene that gets me going. Maybe it’s the fact that I was hammered having drunk an entire bottle of Baileys before watching it but I spent the night rewinding and rewatching this scene over and over again.

Futurama - The Luck Of The Fryrish

During the episode Fry is under the assumption that his brother had stolen his lucky 7 leaf clover and his name when he had gone missing. At the end of the episode it is revealed that he had actually named his son after him in one of the most moving scenes ever animated and the best use of “Don’t You Forget About Me” by Simple Minds ever.

Scrubs - My Lunch

Dr. Cox orders transplants for three patients when a supply comes in. Unfortunately the organs are infected with rabies resulting in the disease being passed on to the three patients. For two of the patients, it’s not such as they would have died either way but the third could have waited another month for a transplant and Cox finally loses it. From the music to the acting, everything is perfect.

Scrubs - My Screw Up

In this episode, Dr. Cox’s best friend, and former brother in law, Ben experiences a re-emergence of his cancer. For the most of the episode it seems as though it finally went back into remission until this final scene where it becomes clear Dr. Cox has been living in denial.

Blackadder - Goodbyeee

Wow. This is it. The ultimate saddest ending of anything. Can’t help but notice that all of these have come from comedies. Strange that, maybe that’s why they are so affecting. These scenes are the opposite of what you normally expect from these programs.

Great Scenes From Shit Films, Part 1

With the revelation that I do indeed own several hundred fucking awful films on DVD, not just Mac and Me, I’ve decided to do regular blog posts about them, or to be more specific, regular blog posts about great scenes within these otherwise reprehensible cinematic abortions.
So today, why not start off with that film I’d really rather forget I own, “Mac and Me”. First some background.

In 1982 Steven Spielberg released a little film called “E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial” (Slightly redundant if you ask me, but I guess no one is.) The film recieved rave reviews and launced the career of Drew Barrymore, eventually launching her into rehab by the age of 13 and finally launching her into her latest role as a chihuahua in the Disney film “Beverly Hills Chihuahua”
Deciding to cash in on the popularity of the film, Orion Pictures/McDonalds decided to release Mac and Me a mere six years later. The film follows a familiar plot and since I refuse to watch the film again, this synopsis is mostly from memory.

A family of aliens is living on the moon or Mars or somewhere, drinking strange liquids from beneath the planets/satellites surface with straws before getting sucked into a NASA probe and accidentally brought back to Earth. The youngest alien accidentally get seperated from the rest of his family and somehow ends up befriending a kid in a wheelchair, who I shall now refer to as Wheels. Wheels calls the alien Mac, apparently standing for Mysterious Alien Creature though I always feel as though there should be the word Big at the beginning of his name.

Mac then puts on a bear costume and dances in McDonalds before going to find the rest of his family with the help of Wheels and his brother, in a desert whilst eating McFlurry’s, except for Mac who can only drink Coca-Cola through a straw due to his disturbing blow up doll mouth configuration.

They find Mac’s family who are seriously dehydrated but thankfully some Coca-Cola sorts ‘em right out. I also think wind farms are important for some reason. Anyway, in a scene that really freaked me out as a child (And I admit I still have some trouble watching it today) the father alien gets a gun and starts shooting at shit for some reason. I’m not sure why this scared me so much, but I think it’s something to do with the father’s odd, shambling, writhing gait, like some kind of zombie made of snakes… Oh god, it’s horrific.

Anyway, everything is all sorted out and the aliens are officially made citizens of McDonald Land, I mean the United States of America, probably because the father was so pro-gun rights.

To sum up even quicker, the fucking film is an advert for McDonalds, Coca-Cola and various other commercial enterprises. The trailer even has Ronald McDonald in it. Seriously look it up.
The film is a travesty and actually causes a condition known as Sand Paper Lung, in which the sufferer, having lost the will to live, actually reconfigures their DNA, causing their lungs to transform into actual sand paper and as they breath, they slowly sand away their innards until no thing is left but a gaping hole in their chest.

Despite this there are two scenes which really stick out. The first is the afforementioned dancing in McDonalds scene, which I may feature in some future blog post. The second is the following scene, affectionally called “The Infamous Wheelchair Scene.” Enjoy!